One of the things that has changed as I lose weight is my face. You start to see the weight loss there. I notice it in pictures but also in the mirror. I've always hated how fat my face looked when I gained the weight but then again it's hard to find any part of myself to like. It's tragic that the biggest critic is always going to be yourself. I'm the first to preach to others about how they have to love who they are and accept themselves the way they are (not necessarily accept the circumstances) in order to ever be fulfilled no matter how much weight they lose but I find it hard advice to swallow. For the first 30 or so odd pounds that I lost I felt no real difference in my perception of how I looked. The one thing I did notice and was grateful for was my knees stopped hurting. That was one of the best things that happened to me by far especially since I'm on my feet all day at work. But when it came to seeing myself any differently, I still felt as fat as I had been. If my clothes had not been so freaking big on me I would have sworn I had lost nothing at all. I remember the first picture that actually made me think that maybe I really had lost some weight was of me with my reflective vest on. Other than that I had days where I was sure I'd climb on that scale and weigh in at what I'd weighed in the beginning.
All of this tells me that sometimes the hardest battle is not the weight itself but your own perception and my view of myself. Harsh but true. Here I was succeeding at something that has been such a struggle for me and I could not even allow myself that victory. What a sad state of affairs...
No comments:
Post a Comment